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  • Love is a Verb

    Almost every time I come home from a trip to see my Mama, my kitty sitter has cleaned my kitchen.  At first, I was uncomfortable by this act of kindness.  Instead of seeing it as a compassionate expression of love, I felt judged, like my housekeeping skills had been considered and found lacking.   Over the months and years this has been going on, though, I’ve come to feel the deep care shown by the elbow grease expended on my stove top.

    I’m in a new relationship.  It’s the beginning, and I’m in the twitterpated, heady stage, and I’m head over heels “in love” :)   I spent the majority of my hours this weekend with Joey, and I realized that our “in love” has the potential to develop into real “love”.  He changed the oil in my car yesterday when I was at work.  Last night I sat on his living room floor and folded his clean clothes.  He and I showed our love to each other through action.  When he says “I love you” now, it has some weight to it…

    How do you show someone you love them?

    3 Responses to “Love is a Verb”

    1. Maryanne says:

      I show my love through doing things, cleaning things, making things. Usually making things. :)

      I have to comment on your first paragraph though – I’m so glad that you’ve come to recognize and appreciate that act of love and service for what it is. I’m often reticent to reach out in ways like that, because I’m afraid of how it will be perceived – “Why is she randomly bringing me dinner? Does she think I’m not capable of feeding my own children?”. So yay on accepting love as it was intended. :) And yay for being twitterpated. :)

    2. Julie says:

      Oh I am very happy for you, Brandy! Can you tell me anything about this lucky guy???

    3. Carolyn says:

      Brandy, I think it’s always easier and more rewarding to clean at somebody else’s house than your own. You’re way ahead of me in some aspects of housework. Other people clean at my house all the time when they see something I’ve been neglecting. I just don’t see a lot of things because I am used to them. Sometimes it’s sort of embarrassing, but I’ve learned to appreciate it.

      I thinks that there are a wide variety of actions which show love. We listened to a little more Covey Friday on the way to my Mom’s 80th birthday party. One of the big challenges in showing love, or as he puts it, “building an emotional bank account” is to find out what another person values as an expression of love, interest or appreciation. Not as easy as it sounds. With your house, I was guessing. I usually stuck to the kitchen, because kitchens are so – predictable. Except for where to put things away. And I know what it’s like to be in a hurry to leave on a trip.

      Concerning “real love”, I like this quote:

      Love – THE FEELING – is a fruit of love, the verb.
      Stephen R. Covey

      Fits in with your question well, I think. Of course, the heady, romantic kind of feeling is nice, too. But for most people, it comes and goes, as you seem to recognize.

      It usually takes considerable time, thought and work (plus a reasonably healthy emotional foundation) to develop the trust for this kind of deep, but balanced, relationship. An ideal to look toward.